The typewriter


A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that
they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They
decided on the word "typewriter."

One day the husband told his five year old daughter,"Go tell your Mommy
that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her Mom what her dad
said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a
letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The
child went back to tell her father what Mommy had said.


A few days later the Mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can
type that letter now." The child told her father, and then returned to her
mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind he already wrote the
letter by hand."

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If you cant say something nice, say something vague.

And if you can't think of something vague, then shut the hell up! =)

Good one!

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FADBeens

Here's another one. I apologize for the formatting as I haven't taken the time to clean it up. Enjoy!

Oh yeah, KSMarksPsych, I highly recommend that you do not have anything in your mouth while reading this one. =)

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS
AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A
FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND
WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO
BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.

THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO
OF MY GIRLS ON THEM.
THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE." THE MANAGER DOES AS
HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE
CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU
KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"

"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME
I WAS LOVING HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."

"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE
NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED
AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."

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If you cant say something nice, say something vague.

And if you can't think of something vague, then shut the hell up! =)

Dell guy supposedly bringing/installing the replacement hard drive this evening. Whoo hoo!

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FADBeens

Tech at Dell had mercy on me. I got the wireless adapter software I needed and have spent the entire day downloading, etc, etc, etc.

Gotta love those human beings out there who reach across the technology. <smooch>

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FADBeens

Tech at Dell had mercy on me. I got the wireless adapter software I needed and have spent the entire day downloading, etc, etc, etc.

Gotta love those human beings out there who reach across the technology. <smooch>

They're few and far between, people like that. I'm probably closing the stable door long after the horse has bolted here, but if got his name, or some other ID, most places have a system set up where you can call back and give a commendation. After all the hell you've been thru, this tech deserves it.

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...scientists ... do ran tests on Beethoven's hair and part of his skull [I don't WANT to know why anyone had THAT hanging around] and determined he died of lead poisoning...

so the G-string came from the lead violin?

A modern day fairytale

alternate ending

Once upon a time,
In a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shore of an unpoluted pond
in a verdant meadow ner her castle.
The frog hooped into the princess' lap
and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome
prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
Once kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet,
we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bare my children, and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so."

That night, she said to the frog,
now housed in a tank in the lady's bedchamber
"Nah, I don't think so,
Princes I see every day,
but a talking frog
that's really something"

A modern day fairytale

alternate ending 2

Once upon a time,
In a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shore of an unpoluted pond
in a verdant meadow ner her castle.
The frog hooped into the princess' lap
and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome
prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
Once kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet,
we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bare my children, and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so."

And that, jurypersons, ladies and gents
concludes the case for the defence

There once was a thread from Ghost-Plane
Whose jokes could get rude now 'n' again

and again and again
and again and again

and again and again and AGAIN!

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Her 'puter had died
The hard disk was fried
But the limericks were not on the wane. <wink>

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FADBeens

For River she hopelessly peered
Her rhymes him apparently skeered
But all was not lost
Her efforts she tossed
Up on the screen so they all jeered.

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FADBeens

<Padding thru the thread in her bunny slippers, robe clutched tightly around her against the unseasonably cold temps, GP follows the scent of freshly brewed coffee rising from the pot.>
Thank God for automatic coffee machines!

We're under both flood and freeze warnings here, NOT a usual thing for Florida!

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FADBeens

Just like old times around here. Going to have someone on call in addition to the usual suspects for Christmas dinner. Who's up for a game of beeper, beeper, who'se got the bleeper?! <evul grin>

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FADBeens

<Stares mournfully into her bowl where she's added too much water to the oatmeal.>

Gonna be one of those days...

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FADBeens

Tinkh pisotive tawts Geepster! all htis agenavity is dab fro oyu :)

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sorry, I've been slacking on the jokes so here you go.

Oh yeah, this is your official warning that this is a brutal joke that will place an image in your mind that you may really not want to see. This is a joke about homosexuality as well so if you do not have a sense of humor I highly recommend that you stop reading right now. And no, I am not a gay basher. I happen to like jokes of every kind so if you are easily offended, again, stop reading now. Or better yet, go and buy yourself a sense of humor for this Holiday season.

How do gay guys fake orgasims?


They spit on their partners back!


Woohoo! Happy holidays everyone!

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If you cant say something nice, say something vague.

And if you can't think of something vague, then shut the hell up! =)

<Adds cucumbers to the list of items not to be consumed while reading this thread. Wipes long suffering monitor yet again.>

Well, while you lot were farting around [both literally and figuratively], I have become a godmother yet again. William faked out both his father and myself who were down in the betting pool for a girl [his mother was right, but we refuse to pay up as she had insider knowledge] and weighed in at 7 lbs 2 oz [no, I will NOT convert that into metric - you math whizzes need something to do] and 19 1/2 inches long.

I have been celebrating since his arrival this afternoon and am now down to seeing only 1 computer screen from a high of 3. <grin>

Merry Christmas and good night!

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FADBeens